I put the kibosh on an old friendship a while back.
Trust me, it was no easy thing. But after slogging through all the emotion, and contemplating all the options I could find to contemplate, I had to.
Let me explain.
My erstwhile pal — a professed, born again, church-going Christian — is a very conservative, far Right/Limbaugh-fan Republican.
Believe it or not, that wasn’t what terminated things. I was, truth be told, just like him, for many years. (I have a background in the conservative, Christian camp. My young-adult life was spent there.)
No, what forced me to end things was quite straightforward: My old friend continued to send me some of the ugliest, racist, hateful emails I had ever received, even after I asked him to stop. I ignored many, and simply deleted them. But they kept coming.
I think there are times in life where lines must be drawn. The promulgation of bigotry, or any one of the many hatreds that pollute our souls, is reason, to my way of thinking, to draw a line and say “Stop!” And if that simple message doesn’t get through, it’s time to end the relationship.
It’s a damn shame.
I decided to share these two, private emails, sent from me, because I think they’re instructive — if for no one else, then certainly for my children — to help understand my reasoning. Racism, bigotry and other forms of hatred are poxes and blights that are birthed within the heart, and from what I’ve experienced in life, I believe if a heart will listen, it will listen most attentively to a quiet, reasonable voice, and will only harden itself to a spittle-flecked tirade.
I should add — because it has relevance to the overall relationship and other, previously forwarded emails — my old friend’s background did not include service in the military. For that matter, no one in his immediate family had served. I didn’t then, and don’t now hold that against him. At all. But considering the bellicose, martial nature of many of the forwarded messages, I need to address the matter. His singularly conservative, political outlook created a hawkish perspective that, predictably, mirrored the views of Fox News, Rush Limbaugh and others of that ilk. Since my father, brother and I had all served, not only in the military, but in combat, I to refuse to cede any moral or so-called patriotic ground to those who, as a substitute for putting themselves in harm’s way in service to their country, instead beat their chest loudly, wave the flag high and send other people’s children to war. (Are you listening, Dick Cheney?)
Back to the emails . . .
In June, 2008, at a time when the first black American appeared to have a viable chance of becoming President of the United States, my friend forwarded a race-baiting, anti-Islamic, anti-Obama email. Naturally it lacked logic or reason, and was nothing more than another jingoistic, “Fear the black, Muslim, foreign-born anti-American!” shriek. The only thing missing was the “N” word, but it was there . . . between every line.
My response to that email:
My dear, old friend Stanley*,
As a veteran of both the Navy and Army, I join General Wes Clark in enthusiastically supporting Senator Barack Obama in his presidential bid. I know you and I, as we’ve aged, have developed significantly different perspectives of life, and probably most things in the Universe. I assure you I’m not interested in initiating a political debate with you, since I fear it would be nothing more but an exercise in futility and frustration for us both, and I respect and honor our bond of friendship way too much to mess with such a meaningful gift in my life.
Stanley, we’ve traveled very different paths, and as a result, we have very different views of what is, and what should be, and I’d much rather not get into that kind of discussion with you. Conversations concerning things political have a tendency of swerving off topic, and creating more dissonance than harmony. Because of my love and respect for you, I think I should ask you to remove me from any political distribution list.
Of course, and as always, I have nothing but the most loving and tender wishes for you and your family.
Bill
*****
In December, 2009, I received another email. This time it forwarded a wackadoo Right, political screed that included a quote from a book by Lee Iococca, which mis-characterized both the date and context of Iococca’s words. A fuming rant followed the quote, laying every ill besetting our country at Barack Obama’s feet.
This quote, from the rant, pretty much sums up everything:
“Only a few people in the US know you [I assume the writer means the American people at large] elected an illegal alien to be President! A Muslim at that! And he jumped right in destroying the US from the inside. Osama bin Laden is smiling from ear to ear because he is winning the war on terror and you helped by voting this man in as President!”
I ignored the plausible implications that whoever wrote that line, presumably an American, is obviously intimately aware of bin Laden’s secret hideout, because the writer is observing Osama’s ear to ear smirk. If not outing that rat-bastard isn’t unpatriotic, not to mention wretched treason . . . well . . . I’ll just move along.
Anyway, that email prompted my response:
Hello Stanley.
I need to ask you, again, to please remove me from your mailing list. The political things you’ve forwarded, (and because you’re forwarding them, I assume you approve of their contents), are not reasoned discussions supported by logic, fact or deliberation. They are ultra-conservative, demagogic screeds that possess vicious undercurrents espousing violence, bigotry and jingoism.
I find it quite difficult to imagine more un-Christ-like attitudes and beliefs. Jesus’ hands were nailed to a cross, not lashed to a sword. His Apostles preached God’s Kingdom, not the control or overthrow of earthly fiefdoms. His true disciples sought peace with all men, even in the midst of horrific persecution. The politics they pursued demanded servitude to God in the service of mankind.
In the peaceful service of mankind.
No flags, borders or battle cries exist in that service. Humility, long-suffering, kindness, love . . . I see none of those characteristics expressed within this email. I do, however, see nationalism, anger, impatience, dishonesty and virulent narrow-mindedness; not exactly what Jesus preached.
You and I no doubt see things differently, and in all likelihood that will continue; such is the nature of human experience and choice. However, I do not want to be associated with anything this email represents, and having my name as an addressee implies my interest and concurrence. Again, out of respect for our long and abiding friendship, please remove my email address from the list.
And Stanley, for what it’s worth, Lee Iacocca’s book was published in early 2007, and thus written well before the 2008 election. His angst was directed at George Bush, Dick Cheney and the conservative, profligate, Republican-controlled Congress which devoured a national surplus and squandered our nation into decades of unimaginable debt. The lecture below the quote fails to mention that distinction. Instead, it purposefully misleads the reader to believe Iacocca’s disgust was (is) directed at President Barack Obama.
Peace,
Bill
* Not his real name.
